Heather and David

I knew romance was in trouble in our office when I saw the recent purchase of our office library – a whole bunch of Mills and Boon paperbacks! Quite a few people had demanded the purchase of this famous romance brand, and I had the opportunity to see a couple of them while I was there. They were discussing a few titles, and I shamelessly eavesdropped on one authoritatively claiming how she’s already read 3-4 of them earlier and how they were just ordinary! Somehow, I had never associated Mills and Boon with anything other than the ordinary.

Now, one might wonder whether I am sounding prudish, and I think I am, a teeny-weeny bit. I read my first M&B when I was in the school, at a time when I read just about anything that had words in it. What drew me to M&B, I guess, was mostly the cover picture of the two protagonists in an ardent embrace. I remember finishing that book in about a day and feeling rather disappointed. That didn’t stop me from reading another couple more of such books, but each time, the feeling was similar. I mean, I am the kind who can get happy reading even a Louis L’amour, which shows how little I demand from the authors that I read. The difference in case of M&Bs were I couldn’t necessarily tell the difference from one book to another.

For those of us who haven’t either heard of M&Bs (must be very few) or have been rather shy to read (quite a few guys, I guess), a typical M&B would have a girl who is rather young, not the most beautiful of specimens, rather quick to temper or quite timid, from either a rich or a poor family, and a guy who is on the wrong side of 30s, rich, dashing, debonair, heavily tanned, sharp features, with a string of girl friends who are all more beautiful than the aforementioned girl. They both feel an instant connection the first time they both meet, but they both would be denying that fact to themselves. Then, at some point, they lose their self-control and end up very nearly making love to each other but would be interrupted by a metaphorical thorn or even a literal one. This would then lead to either the hero or heroine withdrawing from the scene for a while before the inevitable finally happens. This might either lead to an immediate marriage or a possibility of one but they would soon separate because the heroine would feel threatened by the past girl friends of the hero and would question whether he really does love her. The novel would finally end when they both announce to each other how they cannot live without the other and then they live happily ever after.

What I have found interesting in the M&B plots is the fact that most of the stories are set in countries rather well known for their liberal sexual mores. Despite that, almost all heroines in such novels are virgins. I mean, what is this fixation with virgins? Would love be any less if the girl had actually had a sexual relationship earlier? Or does every novel have the same symbolism of virginity standing for purity? Somehow, that purity never seems to extend to the male protagonists who would all be quite skilled at the art of lovemaking. Another funny thing is how the hero would mostly treat the heroine with near contempt for almost the entirety of the novel till he confesses in the last chapter how that was his way of trying to hide his true love. Why would one want to hide their true love? Is it not manly enough to display one’s love? Also, considering the fact that divorce rates have been rather high in the western world where most of these novels are set, I wonder about the longevity of these unions. I mean, with at least a difference of 15 years, how long would it be for the girl to start looking out for someone else? In fact, it would be interesting for one to pick up and start writing a “Twenty Years Later” on some M&B.

I do accept the fact that M&Bs are light, breezy read and is a bit like watching a Hindi movie, transporting one to a dream world where everything is so picture perfect. I myself love reading Louis L’amour or Sidney Sheldon at times when I don’t feel like exercising my brain too much. What I would love, though, would be to see a Mills and Boon featuring Heather Mills and David Boon, two people who aren’t anywhere close to fitting the bill of the leading characters of any Mills and Boon novel.