Budget Blues

Very recently, we had both the railway as well as the union budget of India being presented. While I can't really tell you much about what the budget really contained, I do know a few things. As per the ruling party, the budget is always excellent, very pro-poor, helps agriculture and even manufacturing, and is ideal to take our nation forward. There would be many indicators as to how foreign investments should be attracted and how our PSU behemoths should be disinvested. As per our opposition, the budget is always bad, not good at all to the poor, without consideration to poor farmers, and only an attempt by the government to suck up to the developed countries. In the case of tje railway budget, there would be announcements of various new trains, especially in routes where there isn't much need for one. Needless to say, in either case, the person who presents the budget aids their home constituency or state with an eye on one of the numerous upcoming elections that happen, which will invariably invite the wrath of everyone else.

It is interesting to note that the ads screaming about pre-budget prices for consumer durables, automobiles, etc., start appearing about a month before the budget. Whether any of these ads boost their sales during this time is not known to me, but I have never seen any news about a company doing roaring business because of the pre-budget prices. In my office, we realize it is budget time when we get into tighter deadlines because most people would be busy following budget predictions in the various discussion forums.

On budget day, I generally avoid watching TV. For one, all news channels would be having discussions on the budget, which I never seem to understand. Entertainment channels will keep things low-key because they are wary of falling TRPs on this day. I have stopped watching cartoons because I don't seem to understand any of these new ones. Heck, whatever happened to Tom and Jerry and Fred Quimby? Finally, when I tune into Sports Channel, there would be a discussion on how the budget has neglected sports. This is another one of the constants of our union budget. All union budgets neglect sports is something I learnt in 1986 and that hasn't changed till now. So, there would be this panel of sportspersons, and all of them would talk about how their particular sport has been neglected. This discussion would go on until someone would say how cricket is the root of all evil in Indian sports, and then all others in the panel would come together and agree on that, and thus the discussion will end.

The next day, it would be the chance of the newspapers to rerun what the idiot box television did the previous evening. It is on such days that I love the Times of India. They are probably the only news publication that would make budget seem so very colorful to the reader. While most newspapers would be busy writing studied pieces on what was presented in the Lok Sabha the previous day, TOI would come up with a bunch of photographs. There would be one of the finance minister getting out of the car with suitcase. There would also be a photo of our Prime Minister and of most party leaders. Then, they would get photos of the state government leaders. Similar exercise would be followed with industry leaders of national and local importance. Since TOI can't stay away from skin show for too long, they'll get photographs of some film personalities as well. Apart from all this, there would be the customary photographs of some highway (for infrastructure), some farmer ploughing field (for agriculture), some beggars (for poverty), a child cleaning table (for child labor), a foreigner, which would mostly be a lady wearing sphagetti straps and showing ample cleavage (for tourism), etc. When they have crammed in all these photographs, it saves them the effort of having to really write much about the budget. If one ever comes up with something like Union Budget for Dummies (like me), it would surely be a series of ToI newspaper reports on budget over the years.

At office, things wouldn't be much different. On the day after budget, one is expected to speak only regarding the budget and how it would impact our jobs. Quite a few could be seen working on excel sheets which would help them calculate how much more they would have to pay in the form of income tax that year. Since I hardly ever see any reduction in the tax that I pay, I don't bother calculating about it. The fact that I don't understand how it is calculated makes my task simpler. While it took me a while to work out of the funda of handling the post-Budget day at office, I did finally work it out. The secret of it is to always make a speculative statement, something in the lines of "I don't know what the prices of cars will now be after all that steel and rubber prices" or "Electronic goods sales will now see a big difference" or something on those lines. I soon realized that most others too were making similar statements. First time I experienced it, I was so elated. I realized that I wasn't the only ignoramus with regard to budgets.

After surviving multiple budgets, the biggest lesson I have learnt is that budgets generally don't make a huge difference to me. I still don't have a government water connection in my apartment and have to depend on borewell water. Electric supply is still erratic at best, ever ready to go missing at the mere threat of a rain or summer. Sewage lines in working condition seems like an alien concept, while roads without pot-holes is a strict no-no. At the end of the day, in my life's balance sheet, the budget will make it easier with a few things but will make a few other things tougher. The netas have long understood that if they have enough muscle and money power, they can present any budget and still get away with it and win more elections. After all, how many of us thought of the last 10 budgets when we caste our vote? The only ones who really know that are our politicians. Jai Hind!