Kolkata Trip 2013 - Sunday, October 6th

Sunday morning started with a lively debate. Ravi Uncle, who had come to the house early in the morning, and Ranji’s dad got into a discussion about the different Malayalee forums in Kolkata.  As is the case with Malayalees, the need to form federations or forums  of like-minded individuals was only second to their need to split the federations or forums further based on the complex regional and religious fabric of Kerala.  The fact that they are so far away from Kerala, in a place where no one really understands the complexities of Malayalee way of living seem to not deter them.  The discussion was surrounding which forum had better funds and who were better at managing their resources.  However the funds were managed, it was up to my mother-in-law to always do the lion’s share of the work.  This time, she had to prepare Uzhunnu Vada for at least 150 people.  I’ve always felt that these Malayalees formed such forums to get some poor souls to cook good food so that they could all gorge on it and then criticize everything under the sun, including the cook and the food they so very enthusiastically gobbled up.  Like most discussions between us Malayalees, even this ended in an honorable draw without any particular conclusion, but it seemed to make all parties happy.

It was around 10 in the morning when I saw the dreaded Jyothi Uncle for the first time.  He was something of a terror among the Kolkata Malayalee community for arriving at people’s houses during the weekends and planting himself there for the entire weekend. He made it a point to feign ignorance towards subtle hints or direct suggestions that he had overstayed his welcome. Rumour has it that the richer among the Malayalees employ bouncers just to keep him away from entering their homes.

While Ranji’s parents had no chance of escaping the ordeal, we certainly could and did by being out of the house in another hour and a half.  We were going to ITC Sonar to meet Vineet, Tanu and their son Tejas.  We went to Baby Land at Behala market, bought a T-shirt and pants for the child, and went in search of a taxi.  By this time, my dismay at not seeing the Ambassadors was replaced by a joy at seeing so many Ambassadors together.

While the Ambassadors have been known for their sturdy and stable performance on Indian roads, what make them distinct, especially in Kolkata, are its drivers.  We managed to get a rather colourful specimen of this species. Unlike most Kolkatan cab drivers, he chose to drive the car as slowly as possible.  Cycle rickshaws screamed past us and even hand-drawn rickshaws managed to overtake us at some point.  The fact that our driver was constantly wiping sweat from waist up without really removing his shirt and then squeezing out his towel on to the floor of the car was probably one reason why he didn’t want to go any faster. Ranji and I weren’t sure whether to pray for a faster drive or for the sweaty puddle to remain in the front. We somehow did manage to reach ITC Sonar before the end of day.

Vineet and Tanu reached soon after us, and we met Baby Tejas for the first time. He made it clear that he wanted only to be carried by his dad, but he did not mind playing with either Ranji or me as long as we did not attempt to carry him.  From ITC Sonar, we went over to Mani Square Mall to relax and chat. While Vineet, Tanu, and Ranjita chatted, I alternated between conversing with them and playing with Tejas.  After an hour or so, we moved over to the food court to have our lunch.  I realized that the food prices in a mall are more or less the same, be it Kolkata or Bangalore.

After lunch, we waved goodbye to Tejas, Tanu, and Vineet.  We caught a taxi back to Behala.  This guy, though, turned out to be the opposite of the driver we had in the morning.  He either did not have brakes or did not believe in using it, because we just hurtled at breakneck speed through Kolkata roads, narrowly missing mowing down people or crashing on to other vehicles.

The only place we were forced to stop was at an intersection where there was a policeman.  The policeman, though, was busy buying some towels from a pushcart vendor.  When the light turned green while the purchase was going on, he even turned it back to red so that he could complete his transaction in peace!  We reached back home alive and without any further interesting incidents.